Couples Therapy
Are You Dealing with Communication Roadblocks in Your Relationship?
Have frequent conflicts with your partner left you feeling emotionally drained? Does it seem like you and your partner are growing further apart? Are you concerned that your partner doesn’t truly understand you or that your relationship roles and responsibilities have become unbalanced?
When you and your partner have trouble communicating, you can shy away from expressing your wants and needs altogether. Small disagreements often escalate into full-blown arguments, making it hard to resolve issues or enjoy hobbies and interests together, or as individuals. Your sex life might be suffering as a result, and you may miss the intimacy you used to share in the early days of being together.
Conflicts With Your Partner Can Leave You Feeling Misunderstood
You and your partner still care deeply about each other. If you could just communicate with patience and honesty, rather than getting defensive or dancing around difficult conversations, you know that you would both be happier.
In couples therapy, you can learn how to work through conflicts, address feelings of isolation or imbalance in your relationship, and reignite your physical and emotional intimacy.
Conflict Is Inevitable in All Relationships
If you and your partner have hit a rough patch, you might feel like you’re the only couple that is struggling. But in reality, occasional conflicts are unavoidable in all relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or familial. Everyone has their own unique history and background, and we all bring our own expectations, emotional baggage, and friction into relationships.
People Are Influenced by the “Relationship Models” They Grew Up With
When we’re young, we learn about how relationships work from the adults in our lives. They “model” typical behaviors, communication styles, and expectations within relationships, and these models stick with us as we get older and enter our own romantic relationships.
Often, these models are not healthy or positive examples, but we view them as “normal.” We may not realize that what was normal in our household might be very different from what our partner was exposed to during their own upbringing. This can lead to clashes and disagreements.
Minor relationship conflicts are simply part of the human experience. But if it feels like your relationship is stuck in a rut, and both you and your partner are exhausted from constant disagreements or crossed wires, it may be time to reach out for help.
Through Couples Therapy, You Can Navigate Tough Conversations With Compassion
Treatment Approaches for Couples Counseling
While I draw from different techniques and modalities for working with couples, I primarily apply a Gottman-informed approach to couples counseling, centered around Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This modality involves uncovering the feelings that come up in response to specific behaviors. Sometimes, the actual subject of an ongoing dispute is mere “static-” noise that masks a deeper desire or frustration.
For example, partner A might repeatedly ask Partner B to wipe down the bathroom sink, but the sink isn’t the core of the problem. The way Partner A feels ignored or undervalued by Partner B when they repeatedly choose not to clean it is the real issue. By approaching a situation like this through the lens of EFT, couples can learn to identify and express their true, underlying otions, which naturally leads to more empathetic responses from each other. We may have different ways of doing things, but we can all identify with the experience of enduring distressing feelings.
A healthy, fulfilling relationship is built on a foundation of strong communication, collaboration, and shared compromises. Through couples counseling, you can learn the basics of respectful communication, improve your active listening skills, talk about tough topics without becoming defensive, and chart a new path forward for your relationship.
As a neutral third party, my goal is to help you cultivate a healthier, happier relationship with a strong, enduring bond. During sessions, I create a relaxed, welcoming environment where you can feel comfortable opening up about sensitive emotions and addressing challenging topics. Overall, I aim to support you in deepening emotional, physical, and intellectual intimacy within your relationship.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy Sessions
Throughout couples therapy sessions, I’ll guide you in developing effective communication skills, navigating difficult conversations, and resolving conflicts maturely and with mutual satisfaction. We’ll explore your shared and individual communication styles so you can focus on solving problems as a team rather than criticizing each other.
But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
My partner is hesitant to try couples therapy—is there anything I can say or do to encourage them?
Some might perceive couples therapy as one partner telling the other about everything they are doing wrong or that going to therapy means your relationship is already doomed to fail. It can help to reframe your sessions as an opportunity to prevent minor relationship issues from growing into big problems, improve your communication skills, enhance feelings of connection and achieve greater fulfillment.
My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous/polyamourous. Can we still try couples therapy?
Absolutely! I frequently work with couples who identify as ENM/poly, as well as those who may be considering these options for their relationship. I don't believe that one relationship model fits all, and my singular goal is to help ensure that whatever kind of relationship you have works for you.
I’m nervous to talk to a stranger about sex and intimacy in my relationship.
It’s totally normal to feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea of sharing the most intimate and personal aspects of your relationship with a therapist. As a therapist, I’ve been trained to discuss sensitive, intimate topics in an open, judgment-free manner. It’s important for couples to feel at ease when talking with each other about sex and intimacy, and discussing these topics with a therapist can improve your general comfort levels around these conversations.
How frequently will we need to come in for sessions?
I encourage couples who are just starting therapy to attend sessions once per week. Meeting regularly when you begin therapy allows us to build rapport and start addressing “critical” issues right away. After the first few sessions, we may be able to reduce the frequency. However, this is not a strict rule—if you’re seeking support for improving your relationship, but you’re not dealing with a pressing crisis, going to therapy every other week might be a better fit. I’ll be happy to work with you to figure out what session frequency will work best for you, and throughout our work together we will reassess this as necessary and appropriate.
In Couples Therapy, You Can Rebuild Your Connection With Your Partner
If you and your partner are committed to healing your relationship and creating a brighter future together, couples therapy may be the right choice for you. I invite you to contact me to book a free 15-minute consultation or schedule your first session.
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